Don't Look at Me: Blindfolds, lights out, and more!

This week in yoga, my instructor said, during a particularly confusing position, that if all else fails, the class should "just close your eyes and get weird." Well, as I was sitting there sweating, I thought how appropriate that is for different areas of our lives, including sex and intimacy.

It's true that eye contact can be incredibly connecting and help us feel more attached to our partners. It's also very real though, that often times we don't want our partners to see our bodies, or we don't want to see what parts of our bodies they are focusing on. Whether your body has gone through some physical changes, you've just never liked specific part of your body, or you're self conscious about the faces that you're making while receiving pleasure, there are lots of reasons that people may choose to avoid eye contact or looking at their partner's faces at all when they are being intimate.

Here are a few suggestions to maintain intimacy and connection while avoiding that awkward eye contact or the intensity of feeling somebody's eyes on you. Remember always to check with your partner before implementing new strategies in the bedroom and listen to your own body about what feels good and what doesn't.

1. Turning out the lights. This is a tried and true favorite for many couples. In fact, many couples have sex only in the dark. This can be an very intense way of exploring each other's bodies and experiencing what feels good to you without worrying about what the other person is seeing. Darkness can also be a huge tool in helping people to stay in their bodies and out of their heads during sex.

   
   

2. The blindfold. Another common way people have played around with sight during sex. This strategy is often used so a person doesn't know where their partner may touch next or what sensation may be provided next. Definitely a fun way to mix this up in the bedroom. This can also be a way for your partner to experience your body and looking at your body in all of its glory without you feeling self conscious about which particular parts your partner is looking at. You're not noticing that jiggle, even if they are very much loooving that jiggle. Maybe you can forget to be insecure when you can't see what they're focusing on.

   
   

3. A blanket, sheet, curtain, or cardboard box with strategic holes. This one might be a little bit more daring, but by only allowing your partner to access specific parts of your body at a time (while keeping the rest covered) you may feel more comfortable to let go. If you don't feel like you are being watched as intensely, you may be more comfortable making facial expressions or moving your body in ways that feel pleasurable, not performative.

   
   

4. Lingerie and costuming. Anytime you're picking something to be worn during intimacy, it's important to think about how comfortable this would be for you to wear. Does it highlight your best features? Does it minimize those that make you feel a little less comfortable? Try to think about what makes you feel good. The better you feel during sex, the more comfortable you'll be enjoying your body and the sensations you're receiving.

So next time you're feeling a little bit insecure or just want to experience your body and your partner's body in a different way, consider taking the option of sight out of the situation. What does it mean to not be able to see what is coming next? What does it mean to not be on display and performing for somebody? Would you be able to better focus on your body and your sensations and your pleasure? Let me know how it works out for you. :)